come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
