$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize