yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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