I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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