I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
