Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
