just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
