Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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