All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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