He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
