She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
whose parrot is this?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
