this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize