I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
