It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
