There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
