I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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