he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do vagina's smell?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
