Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize