Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
