I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i came on her dog
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
