you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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