We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
