so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
