Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
