So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
