found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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