Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
