my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
