You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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