No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
