The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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