dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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