just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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