if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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