Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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