I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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