it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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