you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
