you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
