hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
