so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
love makes seman taste better
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
