I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
