i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
