My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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