If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
false alarm, still single
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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