the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
