i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
