in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
