After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
