I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
