I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
