Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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