How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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