can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
