They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
