I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
