it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
