How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was like eating out sand paper
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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