yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
