Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
