I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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