Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
