she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
